The reason I started a blog, may sound selfish, but it’s actually the complete opposite.
The year of 2017, that September, my son was born. The little guy I had prayed for, the tiny body I had been carrying with me everywhere I went for 9 months, was finally here. A feeling of euphoria swept through my body. Tears of complete joy streamed down my face. This new love I never knew existed filled my heart. Little did I know the sadness that would creep in, that would hover over me for the next several months.
I had fallen into the dark hole of postpartum. It was actually a while before I even realized it. Or maybe I had, I just ignored it. Not sure if it was because I didn’t want to believe it or because I felt embarrassed. I’m sure it was both of those but I knew I didn’t want to talk about it, to anyone. I didn’t want my husband to know that I was falling apart inside. I wanted my fellow mom friends to look at me and think I had it all figured out. I wanted to keep it together in front of my family. I may have kept it hidden inside for a while, but it eventually started to show. I started falling apart at work, I didn’t want to get out of bed. I completely shut my husband out. I barely wanted to see or talk to my friends. I started second guessing my bucket list family trip to Hawaii that had been booked before my son’s arrival, because I didn’t want to leave him. My anxiety and mom guilt were taking its toll and I knew at any given moment, I was going to explode.
July 2018, I had finally scheduled an appointment. I couldn’t even get the words out, and the tears just flowed. I just knew my doctor thought I was crazy. But, there it was, written on paper: Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depressed Mood. It sounded scary, but what was even scarier was the fact I had been living with this for months. I was relieved to know I wasn’t crazy and that what I was feeling was real. I’m not going to lie – I took the medication and it helped. But, I knew I needed more.
I needed to write. Writing my feelings and little notes from my road thus far through motherhood has helped me tremendously. This is how the idea of starting a blog came along. I want to reach other moms because I know I’m not alone, even though for the longest time I felt like I was. I want to shed a little positivity for other mom’s, to let them know there’s a light at the end of the postpartum tunnel.
So, here I am. I’ve started a mini blog on Instagram sharing the things that make me happy, the ways i’ve found happiness again. I want to reach a larger audience, more moms, so I decided to start this site. You’ll see the recipes I love to make, the d.i.y projects my husband has a huge part in and the joys/struggles of motherhood.
I’m so excited to have all of you on this trip with me! I can’t wait to meet other moms, who also want to share their stories.
Thank you so much for visiting!